I awoke yesterday to my computer strangely and erroneously displaying a January 11 date which caused me to hustle and pay my credit card bill SAP. This odd 11th day continued with me clueless– although feeling amiss in it. An impossibly nuanced, ever so imperceptible paradigm shift was changing the world around me.

I was reading a novel I wrote and saw fit not to hawk when I was young. As usual, there was music coming from my son’s room. His own gorgeous music (that you should hear soon) he creates and produces prolifically, emphatically. I lost myself in the pages of a book I thought might see the light of day, after all, strangely, and I became 21 again. Time was showing itself for what it truly is–nonlinear and impossible for us to harness, let alone comprehend.

At night, my son and I watched Kendrick Lamar on Youtube. A PBS broadcast of Austin City Limits. The iconic show that predates the frenzied orgy of media we now can access at our fingertips’ whim. With a keypad’s caress. Mr. Lamar was in his element; his audience at one with his incendiary brilliance. He was free of the palpable conflict and profound ambivalence borne of such a thing I can ask you to imagine as too much–although every bit of it deserved–critical acclaim. He seemed happy.

Time strung me along at its own volition as I spun off into a loop-dee-loop of Grimes’ brilliant new album and random tracks of hers that I let the computer choose for me. I was in sublime abandon. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I wanted to post in one of the Spacebook (FB) groups that someone had invited me to join a month or so ago.

I posted a photo and captioned it “Achingly young Bowie.” The photo uploaded and I felt twelve again–the very age I first heard Mr. Bowie and the very age I thought he might very well be in the photo himself. Instantly and peripherally, I caught the surreal words from a friends’ post as it flashed on the bottom left corner of my screen: David Bowie, dead at 69…

Words can’t express how much of a hero he was and remains in and outside of time and me in this unimaginable new now…